I have yet to still find myself but every now and then I really think about who I am as a person. What I like and what I don't. What I will tolerate and what I won't put up with. I have mini epiphanies from time to time and its a chance to check in with myself and see where I'm at in my life. This is what I've recently come up with:

I find a strange peace when I cook. I've always liked to cook but recently its become an escape for me. I put on my apron and suddenly I feel better. I'm in total control and my mind breaks free from all the chaos that builds up in my head. There's no real system to cooking and its not always precise and thats what I love about it. I like to play Frank Sinatra when I cook (I'm not sure why) I guess because there's something in his voice that makes me feel at home. I love that when its all done I feel a sense of accomplishment that I made something.

I ran into the super market for two things the other night-cookies and beer. Odd combination I know. The cookies (mint grasshoppers) were for me and the beer was for my younger brother. There were all senior citizens on each of the self express check out machines. I know this is going to sound so awful and mean but there should be a sign that says "55 and over-please do not use these machines." If they had just gone to a regular register they would have been out quicker. Between them not being able to read the screen to fumbling with the items to find the bar codes...its just not fair to people who want to get in and out. Then they have problems with sliding the credit card and signing the pin pad. Honestly...I know its messed up but I've completely come to terms with this being one of my pet peeves.

I am so totally okay with being in love with my cats (all three of them). I don't even care if people think I might become the crazy cat lady. They make me laugh and though they aren't too keen on cuddling with me (yet...I'm working on it) I am so mad about them. When your a pet lover you really understand an animals love. I mean with cats its all about them. Everything is on their terms like when they want affection or don't. I think thats why I love them-they're independent.

One of the things I absolutely love about my best friend is that she takes open minded and whatever the world hands her she explores it and takes advantage of it. I tend to sometimes doom things before they even happen. Sometimes I don't give things a try when I should. It's with many aspects of my life-especially my love life...well what used to be my love life...since I don't have much of one right now. My best friend dreaded going out on this first date with a guy and she ended up dragging me to make it more of a social thing. She didn't picture herself with her now boyfriend but she was open minded and gave it a try and now their in love. I need to be more like that.

I was in the car with my mom the other day and I was talking to her about my internship and I was telling her how excited but nervous I am about it . She told me not to get caught up in that world and loose myself and my character. It's something I had thought about myself before my mom brought it up to me. I think I'm afraid of becoming a snob even though I'm positive I won't. I know that sounds ridiculous but its really easy to loose sight of who you are when your in an industry like that. I've seen it happen with someone close to me and I don't want it to happen with me. I'll need my family to put me in my place if I for one second get out of line. I'll need to remind myself of who I am and where I come from. Nevertheless, it's still a little bit of a fear.

I no longer think of myself as crazy when I talk about future wedding plans-even though I don't even have a boyfriend. I don't care that I found a great location already and grabbed a brochure while I was there. I don't care that I sometimes scope out wedding dresses online when I'm bored. I like to think I'm just "getting an idea." So what. A girl can dream and thats what I call it-dreaming.

Which pretty much wraps everything up. Those are bits and pieces of who I am . Those are things that can either be accepted about me or not but those are things I cannot and will not change and honestly I'm so completely okay with that.

I didn't think it was possible to be in love with a fictional character. I'm on the third book, Eclipse, of the Twilight series and I totally get it. I get why women are swooning over Edward Cullen. I know he's just a character but he, to me, is an example of a great boyfriend.

First of all...vampires are sexy. They are indulgent and magnificent creatures. Plus they're sexual. Here's the thing about Edward though. First of all the guys been around the block. He's thousands of years old. He's got the maturaity of a much older man but he's seventeen.That alone is hot. It's the way he talks to her and the patience he has with her as well, I mean he girl is either getting hurt, getting into trouble, or being hunted. Yet, he never stops protecting her. Every girl wants to be protected from ANY kind of harm. Sure, he screws up on rare occasion (like leaving her in New Moon for so long) but for the most part he is the ideal model for a boyfriend. I mean the guy can't eat regular food and he's always making sure she eats. He's her stability. Everytime he kisses her she gets dizzy. Girls would love feel that everytime they were kissed.  

I can't wait to finish the series. I haven't been across a romance like this in a while. Oh Edward Cullen. If only every girl was lucky enough to find someone like him. And yes, if I were Bella, I too would give up everything to become a vampire as well.